Charlie Kirk's Death & The Coming Civil War Simulation
America Continues Her Descent Into The Abyss With Yet Another Assassination Narrative
The past week brought yet another very public assassination attempt—again in America, of course—home of Hollywood, and a growing number of highly trained teenage snipers. Yes, yes, we’re told it was a “security lapse.” And despite multiple people literally watching the presumed sniper climb up onto the roof, position himself, take aim, and pull the trigger, apparently there was just nothing anyone could do—until it was too late. Sound familiar?
We’re told the shot was taken from around 200 yards, which according to almost every comment section on X, is apparently an “easy shot.”
“Bruh, I could make that shot. I could make that shot. 200 yards is easy”
Well, good for you, internet marksman. I wouldn’t know — because, like most people, I’ve never tried to put a bullet into another human being’s neck or torso from nearly 200 meters away, at a live event crawling with cameras, security, and witnesses.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it didn’t look like the kind of shot you pull off without significant practice, poise, and — something we will come to in a moment — the right equipment. Not to mention careful planning. And even then, you’d still need a cascade of improbable failures from the very people tasked with preventing exactly this sort of thing. The perfect storm, if you will. Which leads to the first and most obvious question: how was this even possible? We can only speculate, given no explanations have—as of yet—been given.
In any case, we don’t need to speculate on what happened post shooting, given the footage is widely available. The moment that single shot rang out, chaos erupted. And you know, they say everyone reacts differently in a crisis: some run, some scream, and some apparently face the direction of the shooter, leap into the air, and shout ‘U.S.A!…U.S.A!…U.S.A!. If I was an FBI agent, I’d definitely want to speak the that guy. But here we are, three days later, and all we know is the guy’s first name—David. No last name. No social media profiles. No digital footprint. And no arrest. In a world where anyone can be tracked down online within minutes, he remains an enigma.
Then there was Mr. Zinn, an old man who became so disoriented after the shooting he briefly believed he had shot Charlie Kirk. Causing him to yell, thrash and scream, loudly proclaiming himself to be killer—which, as you might imagine, was a rather unfortunate distraction given it occurred at the precise moment it would have been most helpful to have people take full stock of what was happening. Unbelievably, it turns out Mr. Zinn is not a person of interest to the FBI, and has already been released from custody. Of note, internet sleuths have already revealed it’s not the first time he has been associated with crisis events. But yeh, he’s not important. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Fortunately, we didn't have to wait long for the real culprit to be identified—within 48 hours (33, to be exact)—the authorities had found their man. A teenager from Utah named Tyler Robinson. Hallelujah. We are told the precision shot was pulled off with a crusty old Mauser rifle, which officers conveniently found in some nearby woods, fully assembled. This, despite the fact a video emerged of the suspected shooter jumping off the roof he fired from, showing him very much unarmed. So we’re left to conclude, that in the heat of the moment—adrenaline pumping—he disassembled his rifle and stuffed it into a backpack before fleeing into some woods, where he meticulously reassembled it, only to dump it again for the police to find.
He also conveniently scattered ammunition — ammo helpfully inscribed with ideological slogans, just to make sure everyone knew he was a raging leftist. Big win for the right! At least for a moment. Then it came out that he once donated to Trump’s campaign and that his whole family are conservative gun nuts. Win for the left! But wait — now we’re told he dates a tranny. Okay. Guess we have a royal flush of identifiers here. Which would be a win for… well, honestly, nobody is winning here. It’s a Punch and Judy show, plain and simple. The desperation to slap a political label on this young man — rather than establish the most basic facts of the case — is a sad indictment of America in 2025.
As with the Trump assassination attempt, the official narrative is already shaping up to have a little something for everyone — and conspiracy theories are once again running the show. As for the shooter himself, it looks like we’ll never actually get to hear from him. Maybe a manifesto will surface, to be revealed through a string of titillating tweets on Truth Social. Despite what appears to be only a surface-level investigation at this point, officials are already 100% certain they have the “right man” — chiefly because he allegedly confessed to his father, and because he sort of resembles the campus surveillance image of the suspected shooter. The only problem, is we’re now told he refuses to confess to law enforcement. Also, despite what the media has said about his families gun obsession, his grandmother insists he’s never even fired a gun, at least to her knowledge.
But wait, it get’s weirder. What about the AI-generated image Trump shared of him hugging Charlie Kirk—in front of an Israeli flag and the words (name?) Shlomo perl? Nobody knows why these peculiar additions were present, and no explanation has been given.
Fugghedaboutitttt.
